On September 6, 1982, I was a student at Midwestern Seminary. That day I walked into the kitchen at the dormitory and saw a young woman. There was a spark in her eyes that lit a fire in my soul. On October 26, we went on our first date. On Thanksgiving Day, I asked her to marry me. On the following February 4, we traveled to a small chapel in downtown Kansas City and she became my wife. That was a fast start to what has become a 43-year journey.
I was 25 years old when it began. I knew I had been called to ministry and was excited about that call. I was full of ambition but short on knowledge. I had zeal but lacked the wisdom to hone my ideas and the skill to bring them to fruition. I needed a wife who could see me in my rough form, and yet recognize the gifts and call of God on my life, and help me develop them.
God was gracious. In his providence, he sent me a wife who was up to the challenge. I concur with the ancient proverb: “An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her and he will have no lack of gain” (Proverbs 31:10-1, ESV).
An excellent wife who can find
I do not believe there is anything more special or important than the call of God on a man’s life to be a pastor. If that pastor is married, it is a blessing when his wife is supportive of his pastoral ministry. Perhaps it is not essential that a pastor’s wife feels called to that role. Some women do, others don’t. But it is extremely important that she recognizes the uniqueness of her husband’s work. He needs his wife to be understanding of the schedule, the interruptions, and the confidentialities he incurs in being a pastor. Ministry couples are not just “man and wife,” they are “pastor and wife.”
My wife, Jeanette, felt called to ministry. She has exercised that call by being a pastor’s wife and has found joy in that capacity. She has served as a teacher, mission’s leader, and on various committees in our churches. She has been on twelve mission trips and has enjoyed serving in various capacities in our denomination. Most importantly, she gave care to our three children as they grew up and continues to give guidance to our autistic adult son who lives with us. I value greatly her love and support for me.
I don’t see how I could have done it without her.
I have the tendency to see the immediate and focus on the negative. Jeanette is better able to see the larger picture and view things from a more positive perspective. When encountering interruptions, I would often get frustrated, but Jeanette would remind me that “interruptions are a part of ministry.” If I was dealing with a difficult situation or person, Jeanette would listen and sympathize to a point, but she never ignored the truth. If she saw error in my methodology, she was not afraid to tell me and suggest how I might do better. Her loving confrontation became growth points in my pastoral ministry.
We have experienced successes and we have endured hardships in ministry. Sometimes I have been tempted to quit. There are two reasons that temptation never got much of a foot hold. The first is the call of God on my life. The second is that if I had ever tried to quit, the wife God gave me would have put a stop to it!
─Brent Cloyd is Associational Mission Strategist for Greater Wabash Baptist Association.