Heath Tibbetts
When the nurse buckles your firstborn child into the backseat and then just walks away, fatherhood crashes down pretty hard! Never before or since have I driven as slowly and carefully as I did with my wife and son counting on me from the backseat. Fatherhood was no longer hypothetical.
Fathers are fathered. Whether through beautiful stories of parents who lovingly stayed together, or a childhood of broken relationships, future fathers are shaped by what they experience. If Christians want to see stronger fathers in our churches, families, and communities, we must stand ready to mentor these future fathers in all stages
From boys to men
Boys need something to live up to. Giving boys chores or an early job can teach responsibility, but not character. Boys need men to model biblical manhood, learning that life isn’t just showing up for work, but doing the work the right way.
Booker T. Washington writes in Up From Slavery that many young black men suddenly freed from slavery, but with no father and often no last name, struggled in life. He found that young white men were “conscious that if he fails in life, he will disgrace the whole family record.” Washington chose his name hoping to associate himself with the honor of a great legacy from American history. Washington’s point goes far beyond race, expressing the need for examples that can inspire boys towards manhood.
My home growing up had seasons of a single mom and various stepfathers, but there were always men outside my home I looked up to. I keep this in mind as I now work with students, considering our conversation today may be a silent chapter in their own story of growing as a man.
Men to fathers
Biological father is not an endearing term, as fatherhood is best defined by intentionality and not mere paternity. Even an unintentional conception can become a moment of intentional legacy when a man makes the choice to be a father.
Turning men into fathers requires a presence in many rooms. Present in the hospital room as a sign of responsibility for the life he helped to create. Investing time in the playroom to imagine, laugh, and create moments alongside his child. Gathering in the dining room to share a meal and encourage his child to share his day, and to learn the silent shifts under the surface when the child responds, “It was fine.” It’s in these various rooms that men truly become fathers, and display fatherhood to the next generation of boys.
Fathers to father figures
Fathering adult children turns you into less of a parent and more of an influencer, allowing them to ask for the guidance we once forced upon them. That experience as a father grows men like Dave Hittenmiller into father figures.
Dave has led the Fatherhood Program at The Pregnancy Care Center of Rockford since 2025. The year prior to his arrival, the PCC served roughly 30 men. In his first year on the job, they served nearly six times that number.
The men, boyfriends, and husbands that come along for an ultrasound don’t just sit in the waiting room, but are invited into Dave’s office to talk, where he encourages them on what it means to be a father. The increase in numbers is more importantly an increase in stronger fathers.
“Our mentors are father-figures and many of our clients see us as a father they never had,” Dave said. “I’ve listened to so many stories of young men who are fatherless either physically or emotionally. We help them understand their role as a father, provider, protector, and encourager to both mother and baby. We share our own failures and how God helped us in our lives, while encouraging them to become followers of Jesus Christ.”
How many of these men will become a “Dave” to someone else? They can now pull aside an uncertain young man and tell him that fatherhood isn’t easy, but it’s worth it.
God has revealed the importance of fathers by revealing himself as such to us. May we invest in the work of fathering fathers wherever that opportunity presents itself.
Heath Tibbetts is Head of Spiritual Life at Rockford Christian School. His wife, Nikki, is Executive Director of the Pregnancy Care Center of Rockford. Married 28 years, they have three adult children.